This is how my soul feel like when i think about this movie
Let me start this by saying I love spider-man. I do. Like, unhealthily so. I have a tattoo of him on my arm (page 18 of ASM 312). I learned to read on web of spider-man. When I was 10 I got a subscription to amazing spider-man and I’ve been current since. I also really REALY liked the first Spider-Man movie. Sam Rami did a good job pulling the story together in a 2 hour 5 minute frame. Sure, there were no web shooters and no Gwen Stacey. Yes, I know Toby McGuire’s acting range allows him one face (which I’ve coined the McGuire who farted look) and Kirsten Dunst may be the worst actress in recent memory and James Franco is fucking terrible. I know the casting of aunt may as a British lady who couldn’t hide her accent was a joke and uncle Ben’s death scene may have been the worst acted death scene EVER. Thankfully the only good casting was Willam Defoe. Defoe killed it as Norman Osborn. He put that movie on his shoulders and made that movie. I honest to god believe he should have been nominated for a best supporting Oscar that year. he made that movie. As the rogue makes the hero, spider-man with defoe was great.
well......
But spider-man 3... Oh god, the horror of Spider-man 3. I tried to rewatch it to write this post and I literally cant do it. Just cant. Its too painful. Sam rami is now a fucking scum bag hack. He can pound the evil dead movies up his ass and spin em. Fuck him. The evil dead movies were fucking stupid. I don’t care what you fan boy fuck-os say. If you say you like evil dead you’re a dick and your just trying to be cooler than you are so go fuck yourself. Id rather be dead by dawn then sit through that lump of shit again. If I saw him or that idiot shitty actor brother of his in the street id spit in his fucking face. Truth. He phoned it in and had no control of his cast so fuck ‘im for not being man enough to walk away from the gang rape of my youth.
i would pay any price...
Toby was fucking terrible. TERRIBLE! The alien symbiot doesn’t make peter parker dance and make an ass of himself and WEAR FUCKING EYELINER!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THAT SHIT…no, no.. calm down; don’t freak out yet. Toby was just bad. Just really, really bad and he fucking struts around like he owns the world. Like, in his head, you know he thinks he’s a great actor. What a fucking putz that shit head is. With his one fucking look he thinks hes fucking Lawrence Olivier. His career is in the toilet and I hope it stays there. Then there’s that guy from that shitty 70s show. I cant go into detail about how bad he was because I may smash my laptop in a fit of rage. The filed teeth, the horrible acting job. He weighs 120 pounds and hes supposed to be eddie brock? And did I mention that his teeth were filed? For christs sake he played eddie brock as a puSSY…… ARRRRGGGG!!! I FUCKING HATE THAT GUY! I HAVE A FUCKING BLOOD VENDEDA AGAINST TOPHER GRACE! I WANT TO STRANGLE HIM AND WATCH THE LIFE SLOWLY DRAINOUT OF HIS EYES AND THE LAST SOUNDS OF THIS MORTAL PLAIN HE HEARS IS MY FUCKING LAUGHTER! That 70s show was vast majority not funny show and the funny parts had nothing to do with him, hes a fucking awful actor and I hope he cries himself to sleep every night and every morning someone shoves no less then 10 bee bees in his piss hole.
"fuck you, artistic merit! im sambaing all the way to the bank! fuck your heroes!"
They all owe me an apology. The crew for not killing the whole cast. The kraft services for not poisoning the cast. The cast for not saying no; they could have refused to rape my childhood.instead they collect $20 million paychecks and lined up with KY. Fuck them. Fuck kirsten dunst for being maybe the worst actress ever and acting like shes a fucking gift from god. Fuck toby McGuire for being a one face shitty actor who was lucky enough to be put in movies with stacked casts (see; the ice storm or cider house rules. axe about delroy lindo in that movie, som beetch). Fuck topher graces mother for not taking one look at him after he was born and flushing him down the toilet like the piece of shit he is. Fuck sam rami for being a hack director who has YET to make an actual good movie. Watch the gift and tell me hes a good director; kate fucking blanchet cant help that fuck face. Fuck spider man appreciation day HOLY SHIT I JUST REMEBERED SPIDER MAN APPRECIATION DAY… ARRRGGGGGG.. TURNING GREEN.. CANT MAINTAIN… RUN!! SAVE YOURSELVES…HEART RATE RACING LIKE ED NORTON HULK BUT I HAVE THE LOOK AND FEEL OF ERIC BANA HULK… RUNNNNNNN…unless your jennifer connelly; then take your shirt off and get on one of those coin op kiddie horses at k mart and ill sweat out this anger
Posted by
No comments:
Post a Comment